If you’re actually here looking for the world’s best blogger, I suggest you click that red “X” button in the upper left corner of this screen before you scream and soil your pants in disappointment. If you’re looking for a good laugh and a possible way to soil your pants, you’ve come to the perfect place. Also, if you’re a child whose writing skills are still impressionable, also hit the big red X. The blogger in question is none other than Cowboys’ tight end Martellus Bennett. I’ve linked out to his blog in the past, but after visiting it today and finally reading through the whole thing, I believe that its won itself a full post on my blog. It’s called “Marty’s World” and it’s both the worst and funniest blog I’ve ever read.
Click on this text to go to the full blog (“Marty B” hasn’t updated for a few months now) and become fluent in internet acronyms such as…
“lmao”, “rofl”, “jk” and “w/e”. I highly recommend the post entitled “I Found Them” where our hero Marty touches on everything from his chicken eating to a really weird and absurd story about Harry Potter and dinosaurs. Yes, what you just read is correct. Even better is this picture on the right of this paragraph, where Bennett, an NFL tight end who is quite athletic, stuffs a pretty short white guy who was obviously fouled before the shot.
Now, after you read each post, take a look at the comments and try to convince me that most of those comments don’t sound like Bennett or a closely related cousin, because they are so similar to the posts. As I continue typing about my obsession with this blog, keep in mind that most of the posts are just one big paragraph and either this guy will continue to be the fuel to my excessive shorts urination or will one day be revered by billions as the greatest writer the world has ever seen. It is possible. I really doubt that that will happen.
I haven’t been using this signature/byline thing as much as I should be/want to be, so here it is:
The Ebony Bird is proud to be FanSided.com’s Baltimore Ravens blog, and is all over those social networking things. Follow us on Twitter, subscribe to the RSS feed, email Joe here, and hype up the EB’s articles on BallHype. Only if you want to. Check out FanSided’s main site here, and don’t be rude to my cat. He’s got a cool white patch of fur under his chin. Pretty awesome, huh?