Shayne Graham Looks Good In Purple

It’s been official. Shayne Graham is now a Baltimore Ravens team member, after signing a one-year contract, which according to several reports, could be worth as much as $2.5 million. For the stuff I had to put up with last season, $2.5 million is peasant’s money. The able leg and awkward spelling of his first name that he will bring to the team will be priceless.

Graham has one of the most accurate kicking records in NFL history. Even with two pretty bad seasons in his first two years, with the Bills and Panthers respectively, he’s gone on to have a prolific career kicking the ball a long way. I believe the stats say it best, so I’ll just leave you with these numbers. After seeing them and soaking them in like a ShamWow!, I think you’ll agree with me that with Graham wearing purple, the team will win 19 consecutive Super Bowls, with Sam Koch being named the MVP in each one. No? Alright fine, they’ll win a few more games. And then my thing about the 19 straight Super Bowls.

Shayne Graham:

• Career FG%: 85.2% (196-230)
• Career FG% with Bengals (excluding first two seasons): 86.8% (177-204)
• 2009 FG%: 82.1% (23-28)

2009 Ravens Kickers:

• Steven Hauschka-Career FG%: 66.7% (10/15)
• Billy Cundiff-Career FG%: 73.6% (78/106)
• Combined 2009 FG%: 70% (21-30)