Dear John…Please Fix our Ravens


Evan Habeeb-USA TODAY Sports

Dear John Harbaugh,

It’s October and the Baltimore Ravens are scary as H-E double hockey sticks.

But not the, “make other teams shake in their cleats,” kind of scary. We’re more the, “OMG, I can’t bear to watch!” kind of scary.

While we’re used to slow starts, an inconsistent offense, questionable play calling, so-so quarterback play on occasion and winning ugly. We’re not used to having a running game that is D.O.A. – ranked 28th out of 32 teams, I might add.

We realize Jim Caldwell used to coach Super-Manning, where the running game was an after-thought.  But this is Baltimore, hon – Charm City needs a suffocating defense, a solid running game and a few other things to get us to the big dance again.

Joe Flacco also needs these things to be successful. Go ask him…we’ll wait.

See, he said the same thing.

So, we’re writing to see if you can find the following for us:

  • An Offensive Coordinator who knows his talent and how to use it.
  • Blockers and an O-Line that can open holes for our running backs.
  • A QB who understands the game starts in the first quarter, not halfway through the second quarter…or later.
  • A Tight End whose initials are not E.D., D.C. or B.S.
  • Injury-Away pills for Lardarius Webb.

Please don’t misunderstand; we love you and our Ravens and have faith you will right this ship. You see, we’re used to winning around here, thanks to you.

Now please clean up this mess so we can all be a little less grouchy on Monday mornings and have something to look forward to on Sundays.

Much Purple love to you and the team.


Joe Pistorio (on behalf of Ravens fans everywhere)